Exquisite Excuses

The tone is set right from the introduction.

The author, Rachel Haussfater, a former teacher, addresses the victims (!) of harassment by various middle school teachers!

Of course the student is always innocent!

Of course he never does anything wrong – or so little!

And Rachel offered them her help by providing a catalogue of excuses based on the situations addressed, in alphabetical order, all preceded by a few instructions "to make it go smoothly".
There are excuses for absences, for fights and chatter, incidents in the corridor, excuses for homework not done, fits of laughter, insults, "kisses kisses", incidents of cell phones not properly turned off, lateness, etc…